Glass Half Full

Guess what accompanies unemployment?

No, not just financial handicap.

Nope, not only frustration. (Typically conventional!)

For someone like me, unemployment is equal to uninterrupted hours to think, overthink, get some coffee and begin the process all over.

Keeping true to my habit, one night, I sat in despair, pulling my hair out – depressed and wailing – thinking how I’ve lost touch with almost everything that defined me. Okay that’s a little more dramatic than what it really was. Point is, the list was disappointing. It started with drama…I mean theater, acting, the jazz, and ended at spontaneity. This last one saddened me the most. And if you’re reading and figure you’ve lost the element too, join in the mourning. For those of you who still possess it, turn around and walk away.

Anyway, where were we? Yes, my despair.

So I could very well collect the gamut of negative emotions, add a jug of water, some lime, stir it to mix and well…then drown in it. Or just throw the concussion and give myself a break. Remorsefully, I accept I almost did the drowning thing. For just a couple of days. Then I decided to make an attempt at escaping, and amazingly, that turned out to be a trophy decision. All I had to do was go on a long drive (believe “long” when I say it), with someone who pulled threads of negative energy kinda almost out of the system.

It’s nice to meet someone who’s gonna thrash your brain’s content inside out – every last ounce – and bring in an evolved set of thoughts, however cruelly it might be. This man reinstilled a sense of optimism. As though summing his advice to me, this other guy on twitter recently posted: “Work. Play. Take pictures. Read. Study. Meet people. Engage. Tell a story. Tweet. Think. Find something to do, but no time outs. No rest.” Via @thecomicproject

The resultant realizations were coupled with a few ground realities;

There are things I’ve lost touch with. There are things I wish I could do. There are things I’m told, I can never do, there are things I will eventually pursue. There’s lots I wish I could act upon impulsively, just because it’ll make me feel more alive. There’s a secret bucket list and it keeps growing. The points range from some seemingly trivial ambitions to some heavy duty ones. There are lots of ifs, buts and guts lying all over the place. They need filtering and some willingness.

And the good news is that I haven’t lost that disposition. I’m willing. Willing to pursue the old stuff and learn more, willing to go crazy, willing to wake up and go on some expedition I’ve always yearned for. As much as the bucket list seems to be drifting off, the willingness to resuscitate is intact.

So what if it takes years to get there? I’m still keen on pursuing all of it. Instead of losing those piled up passions and ambitions to time, age, desolation and umpteen irrelevant factors, I’m eager to strike them off and THAT to me is relieving. To know that aimlessness will never be an option is somehow liberating.

Luckily for me, I have quite an eccentric, impulsive and adventurous set of people for friends. For what it’s worth, having them around means I’ll never have to worry about spontaneity either. As soon as they get a chance, I’m up for some of the most insane yet satisfying indulgences. They don’t know it, but a large part of me is confident of going back to my bucket list because they’re around.

Moral of the story: There’s a lot to lose hope over. You can see the glass half empty and brood over what’s lost. Or think about everything you can do to regain the lost elements, work towards it and be a go-getter.